10: Your daughter. This is one of those, “Well, duh, if they’re all going to be that obvious than why bother to read the rest,” statements, but come on, your little girl really wants a tutu! She loves tutus. She loves dressing up and pretending to be a princess, or pretending to be a queen and bossing you around. Much less, she needs a tutu. If she doesn’t have a tutu, how else will she go to the ball? And if she doesn’t go to the ball, she’ll never meet Prince Charming. And if she doesn’t meet Prince Charming, SHE WILL LIVE IN YOUR HOUSE FOREVER!
8: Your niece. When you pick out a tutu for your niece, I recommend the following: Pick out a Rock’n’Roll, funky tutu that necessitates making a lot of noise while wearing it. After all, whether it’s your brother or sister’s kid, chances are you need to pay them back for something. Get them a tutu that says, “It’s okay to party! Go enjoy yourself! Put on lots of make-up, jump on the furniture, throw your guitar threw the TV!” Okay, maybe not the last one, but loudness must be encouraged in the style you select for your niece’s tutu.
6. Your daughter’s best friend: Remember how you told your daughter that if she didn’t insert threat here (make her bed, clean her room, get all A’s, get into Yale Law) you were not buying her a tutu? By the way, if you haven’t tried that one, it’s such a motivator! Well, if your daughter did not make her bed, clean her room, get all A’s or only got into Stanford, then add some emphasis to what is generally, in my experience, an empty threat. Don’t buy her a tutu. Buy her best friend a tutu! Then, you can explain, “I told you if you didn’t get a perfect score on your ACT and get accepted into that Ivy League University, there would be no tutus. I don’t want to hear it young lady! Samantha always gets into Ivy League Universities when her mother asks her to!” (I have no affiliation with any university, nor do I actually rank universities for a living. No universities were harmed in the making of this post.)
5. Your daughter’s best frenemy: Let’s face it, we all have at least one frenemy. Someone we know socially, we work with, someone who drives us crazy but we are always nice. It’s not because we are two-faced (or that’s not completely why anyway) it’s because we are attempting to avoid conflict with someone we truly believe may in fact be Evil Incarnate in disguise. And your daughter probably has at least one frenemy, too. If you can’t tell who your daughter’s frenemy is, try this experiment. Ask her who she is texting. When your daughter stops texting , if she sighs and rolls her eyes, she’s probably communicating with a frenemy. So why would you want to get your daughter’s best frenemy a gift? Simple! Your daughter’s frenemy is constantly saying things are, “lame,” “gross,” or “disgusting.” She could not possibly think one of my tutus is lame or gross or disgusting. If you get her one of my shabby chic, bohemian tutus, she would be OMGing for all of the right reasons. Then maybe she can be just a friend to your daughter and no longer a frenemy! Unless she truly is Evil Incarnate, in which case ain’t no amount of tutus gonna fix that.
4. The girl who has everything! You know her, she may be related to you, she might be friends with one of your kids, or the child of one of your co-workers. She’s always upset on Christmas or birthdays because the stuff she gets is never what she wants. And the reason she never gets good presents is because she already has everything! If she wants something Daddy buys it for her. Well, I guarantee she does not have a custom made tutu. You can finally be the one to get her something she doesn’t have, something she won’t return, something she won’t repurpose, something she’ll actually enjoy!
3. The girl who has nothing. All joking aside for this one. There are thousands of little girls who would absolutely love to have a tutu. I know because I watch the faces of little girls who do have other toys, other dresses, and their little faces light up when they put on one of my tutus. This is the reason I make tutus. When I give a tutu to a little girl who has nothing, I feel like Santa or an Angel. You will, too. There’s nothing, nothing like the glimmer in the eye of a little girl who feels like a princess. Making that happen is a little piece of Heaven. If you know a little girl who would love a tutu but you cannot afford to get her one, message me and we’ll make it happen.
2. (Back to the silliness) Your mother or grandmother. Okay—I know, you’re an adult. You’re what, 22? Maybe 25 (again)? So that makes your mom, roughly, I don’t know, 28? (I love how I stop aging even though my children continue to get older and more mature each day.) Grandma’s gotta at least be in her 40’s by now. They need tutus. They will love tutus. Why? Because a tutu is a symbol of magic and youth. Who wears tutus? Princesses and fairies. Magical princesses and fairies. Young princesses and fairies. Giving them custom tutus is a way of saying, “You are youthful and timeless.” Besides, when your daughter goes over to Grandma or Great-Grandma’s house to play, they’ve got to have their own custom tutus. I mean, come on, they’re not gonna fit in your daughter’s extra tutu. I mean, I can’t fit in my daughter’s tutu. (Of course, I am retaining water. And I’ve put on a few pounds during the holidays, or else I probably could squeeze my way in). But it’s not nearly as comfortable to play dress-up in someone else’s tutu. I need my own, perfect fit, just the right length. And then I am ready to be FABULOUS! Doesn’t Grandma deserve to be fabulous, too?
1. Yourself! (Did you see that one coming?) You, you deserve a tutu! Just like your mom and grandma you are young, and fun, and hip, and groovy, or whatever the kids are saying these days. You’re with it. You've got it going on. Show them your carefree side. Your husband will thank you for it. Don’t have a husband? No worries! My Cinderella tutu is bound to bring your man scurrying over from his castle post haste. You see, I don’t just make tutus for little girls. I don’t just make them for make-believe-dress-up time. I make tutus that are real dresses for real occasions, like parties, and weddings, and annual visits to the gynecologists. That doesn't sound like fun? Then you've never worn a tutu to see your OBGYN! Life is too short, we are all too serious, we need some magic and whimsy and pixie dust. YOU need some magic and whimsy and pixie dust! And that’s what I do. For a living. (In my spare time. When I’m not at my real job.)
I seriously hope that this made you laugh or at least crack a smile once or twice. Have any other great ideas for who needs a tutu? The bus driver? The postal carrier? The dentist—after all, the tooth fairy wears a tutu!?! I’d love to hear them! I know I have a lot of people reading who don’t follow and I’d love to hear from you, too! Please leave a nice and/or constructive